mood:::unstable:::

::sighs:: There was once a happy Hana who just sat on her bed quietly, while doodling something that came outta her head randomly. However, as I didn't expect the opposite happens.

I get bored later on, and find my aunties' having their conversations they occasionally enjoy, since they have nothing else better to do. I have a term for dat! XD I go to the kitchen to ask mother if she can rent a game later on. Suddenly, she changes the damn subject concerning what I ate this morning. I told her I ate oatmeal and a whole glass of milk this morning. Meanwhile, I began to worry what has been her problem lately, but I never expected I would be the center of attention. Mom has always had this history of getting pissed at anything I do wrong( or what she thinks I'm doing), but I never thought she starts making a big deal outta my weight problem. What she doesn't realize is how fucking sensitive I am about it. Since than, I've always been the problematic of the whole family, since. Being the spiteful one, sorta hurts.... She has always been the same. There were even times, I've wanted to spend time alone with mother. To speak about the things that bothered me whenever I was depressed or frustrated. Yet, she continues to push me away further as I kept trying. It hurts being being pushed away, I just want to talk, but she can't seem to open her eyes........The problems I had to suffer and the person whom, I've held important barely helps me. !_! Possibly, one of the reasons for my anti-social behavior at times..... It all started when she yells at me to get off my butt and excercise on dat damn treadmill she tells me to babysit. I recorded the conversation as I went.

Me: "Can I rent something at Hollywood Video?"
the mother: "What did u eat this morning!?"

Me: "Oatmeal and milk...."
the mother: "oh....."
Me:"um. so can we?"
the mother: can u what?"
Me: rent something??
the mother:NO!
Me:....
the mother: "Go, excercise on the threadmill"
Me: "Why are u forcing me?"
the mother:" Do u understand? "
Me: "I'm not dumb, yah"
the mother:" U wanna get sick like the obese people u see on TV!"
Me: "No. Did u have to go that far?"
the mother: "I'm just telling u, so u understand!"
Me: Understand what? Of how huge people are?!(inside head::WTH)"
the mother: Your not getting one okay!! Now go excercise so u can burn all dat fat!"
Me: U don't have to yell, I'm right here!!!!
the mother: "Don't u dare say anything back to me again!!! One more time, and I'm gonna kick u out of the house!!!! Understand!
Me: I didn't say anything back!!! I just told u not to yell at me!! That's it..
the mother(saying something in tagalog)"Loco,....sisaipa 'ng ang kita. Putong ng' bata to.
Me:Me(in a state of displeasing): Chsshh.....Why don't u persume I'm fat than! Seesh!! Leaves the kitchen. Slams the bedroom door.

Now there I am. By myself alone in the bed snuggling up a pillow to cover my digusted face,...... isolated, wanting to be left alone. At that time, I was in a state that resembled, the "fuck me" mood. Being humiliated by the ones u love, dat hurted I tell ya.... Suddenly, sis, comes in the room and asks wuts wrong. I tell her what mom said about the game, but she doesn't seem to show any sign of comfort. Heh, some sis she turns out to be....I've been deprived of sis being around to support me. As it turns out, she doesn't seem to notice how emotionally unstable I am. I understand she hates dat kinda crap, but she's just there....I continued laying there crying and crying.......I need some one to lean on....::sniff::sniff::

I'm sorry I had u worried folks, but I'm alright now. =) Yup, I'm ghetti again! Heh. All I need is a fresh glass of lemonade and a computer to settle down.::looks over at Hewey-chan:: Oh yah I've been working on my art gallery site yesterday, thank jebus its going well. =) I've got the main page done, now I gotta do the rest. Alright, I'm out!!! No, time to social now sowwy! XD

Replies: 4 whistles

gwar at parents sometimes. My relatives and dad does that a lot, they keep implying that I have no talent, or anyting in the potential of life. I admire how you stand up to your mother. It shows you havea lot of guts in you^_^ Go Hana~Chan^_^

T-Chan came @ 08/23/2002 12:33 AM PST

Mom takes a diet thing, and she barely tells us to stay in shape..
But I understand your pain!
Mom's can be such a pain.
But when I read it - Tagalog? (sp?) Can you speak that? I have a friend who can.. she always cusses me out when she gets mad.. -_-;

Mandy came @ 08/22/2002 09:26 AM PST

Aww Hana ;_;. My mommy can be like that too...About the same thing...Ugh. Weight. Sometimes I wish you could just cut it off, you know? Well, glad to know you feel better! :D

Kat came @ 08/21/2002 11:52 PM PST

Oh, I know what you mean about being insulted and humiliated by your loved ones. My dad seems to like to say that I lack common sense, good decision-making ability, and in many ways just intelligence in general. Ah... such the loving parent, eh? Yah, it hurts doesn't it? I just wish that he'd have more faith in me. He doesn't understand how my mind works. Ah... well... enough about me. ^_^; I hope things get better for you. And if you ever feel like it, I'm here if you ever need anyone.

Tsubasa came @ 08/21/2002 09:43 PM PST

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