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07/17/2002 Archived Entry: ""Friendship""

I don't feel like making a post today. I just finished making a deep and meaningful one on the Sexy Crew blog and I guess it took a lot out of me because I seriously don't feel like typing anything anymore. I'll repost it here for your reading pleasure.

I've been reflecting on my friendships throughout life. Back in the day, in my grade school and junior high days, I was someone you could probably call a loner. Now I wasn't exactly friendless, but generally I would only have one or two friends each year and they were not good friends either. They were the kinds of friends you would only hang with at school. It was basically unheard of for any of us to invite the other over or to suggest going out to the mall or something. To top things off, after the school year ended, I could look forward to not being friends with that same person next year. I suppose many of you would consider that really, really sad, but to me, it was nothing really. I was used to it. I didn't mind it because I was also quite comfortable being alone. These days I hear my peers say that they still have friends from their junior high days. I always feel that that's strange because I just can't relate. As far as experience has taught me, junior high is not a place where lasting relationships can be forged. It was all superficial. Then I entered high school. As I progressed through the years, things began to change. I was introduced to a world with people who cared for me and who wanted to go do things outside of school with me. So my social life slowly, but surely grew during those four years. Today, I have a great group of friends, who I can confidently say are my best friends ever. You guys rule. I love you all. Although... I don't know... it's just that... I'm still not good friends with anyone. I don't know what most people think a good friend should be, but I think a good friend is someone you can not only have fun with, but someone you can talk to; someone you can open up to. Unfortunately, I have no one like this. I suppose it's because I have no experience opening up to anyone. I never had someone to confide in, so I kept everything to myself. And that was fine with me, as I was used to being alone. However, to this day, I still find myself alone many times. I'm left out of activities, I display antisocial behavior by choosing not to go out, and I still cannot tell anyone my feelings. As far as I'm concerned, I'm still very lonerish. Now why am I telling you all this? Maybe it's something I've been meaning to say for a long time. Maybe I'm telling you folks this because I feel like finally opening up to someone. I honestly don't know. It's just something I felt like writing.

Replies: 5 comments

damn... my blog went down again... but i left you a loooooooong message in it from, like, 2 days ago. xD so when it comes back up... go read, ne? and i'm gonna email you later when i find time, so watch out! *tackle glomps* >D cheer up! we're all here for you. ^^ even though some of us may not be irl friends... i'd say it still counts as friends. *hugs*

Posted by riku @ 07/18/2002 03:48 PM PST

*hugs* I can't really say I understand how you feel, but I agree, good friends are people you can open up to, plus, people that won't tell everyone else about it... I'm still going through it, I mean, a couple friends of mine left me out of everything and it made me feel like a loner, so I tried to find other people to hang out with. I guess it's just really hard to find people like yourself, I'm having trouble doing it, that's for sure. Your blog is a place to put your thoughts, I don't blame you for putting this up, I still want to know what a real good friend is like too... Ne, Tsubasa-kun, you aren't a loner, you have a lot of people who care about you!

Posted by Gomaki @ 07/18/2002 01:11 PM PST

Oi David. ^^ Hey, your not ur jumpy self agian neh??::pat::pat:: I said that many times, but my people skills are pretty poor as u can see. XD Anywho,cheer up neh. I don't wanna see none of my budz sad. ^__O::wipes a tear off::

Posted by Hana @ 07/18/2002 01:32 AM PST

read my blog... its under the homepage...

Posted by Julie @ 07/17/2002 10:59 PM PST

"Good friend" is a term that can mean many different things depending on how you look at it. Don't worry though. Don't force yourself, just go at a pace that's good for you. I'm sure you'll open up when you're ready. :D

Posted by Shana @ 07/17/2002 10:29 PM PST

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