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09/29/2002 Archived Entry: "Sheltered I Am"

Aaa~... been having an interesting few days.

Been continuing with class as usual. Yesterday, I had a quiz in my calc class. Gwar.... Seriously, it wasn't that bad, but I just messed up. -_- Yah... there were three questions. I got the first one fine. The second one was one of those "use your knowledge learned from this chapter to do this type or problem you've never seen before" types of problems. I didn't get that. The third one involved writing and equation and plugging numbers in. What pisses me off is that I couldn't get the equation before time ran out. Gwar.... So yah... I didn't do well. At least my teacher's going to drop the two lowest quiz scores, so I gotta make sure this is one of them. That shouldn't be too hard to do... will it...?

Went out to Kinokuniya again because I had time and I wanted more manga. ^_^ I picked up the Vampire Savior manga volumes 3 & 4. Good stuff. There's some sweet art, drawn by Mayumi Azuma, the person who draws the Star Ocean manga (not Blue Sphere, that's Mizuki Aoi). You know how I said that I felt like less of a pedophile? Well... that feeling didn't last for too long. ^_^; Lilith just has to be that cute, doesn't she? Eh... anyway, about the manga... I really like it, so I ordered volumes 1, 2, & 5, so they should arrive in a few weeks. w00t.

Today, I went to my friend Carolyn's house for a discussion group. She's a girl scout and she's supposed to hold these things. First, she hands "young adults," between the ages of 15-25 or so, questionaires with questions about important teen issues. You know, stuff like racial discrimination, depression, suicide, and the like. We were asked to mark how strongly these things influenced our lives. From there, the results were tallied and the top issues were discussed. What I realized when I was filling out the questionaire, was that many of those issues really didn't make a big impact in my life. I was marking things like (on a scale of 5) 0-3. When I saw other questionaires later, I saw things like 3-5. ^_^; Yah... I guess I live a sheltered life. Oh whatever. Moving onto the discussion part, we narrowed our subjects down to (and I'm sure I'm leaving some out): self-mutilation, suicide, moving out, parent pressuring for better grades, retaining virginity, and sexual abuse. I kinda realized this before, but while we were talking, I realized just how many of these things haven't really been provailent in my life. Seriously speaking, I have yet to encounter most of those issues in either my life or any of my friends' lives. I guess I just make friends with very stable people? I don't know. Something else I noticed is that while were were talking about guys having issues, the idea that most guys, when troubled, just keep things to themselves and shut themselves away from the world because of their pride. From personal experience, I would say that that's true, but personally, it's slightly different. Unlike most guys, I really don't have much of the traditional "manly pride." But, I do shut myself and my emotions away. Yes, I know it isn't healthy, but I'm fine with it. What many people don't realize, is that for about the first 14 years or so of my life, I was more or less a loner. I never really socialized. During that time, I developed a habit of keeping everything inside because I had no one to talk to. Because of that, to this day, I don't like to talk about my emotions. It's something I'm extremely uncomfortable doing. This log is cool in that I can jot down things that I could never say in real life, but I still cannot bring myself to get out everything that I'm feeling. Meh... whatever.

Later, I went to my friend Lan's mother's birthday party. Good times. I haven't been to a spiffy party in a while. It was good spending time with some friends, in a nice big party atmosphere. After the eating, we did things like practicing our grifting (sp?). We got paper cups and put stuff underneath and tried did the whole "we move the cups really fast and you try to find the thing underneath afterwards" trick. I rule at that because I have a really quick eye when I'm paying attention. ^_^ I'm sure I'm not nearly as good when the person doing it is one of those peoples on the street or something. You know, them peoples that do it all day and for a living or something. Yah.... Also, later, we discovered 3 little kitties outside. They were so cute! ^_^ So we tried to call them over to us, but they wouldn't come. =( Darn kitties.... All in all, yummy food and lots o' fun equals a good time. ^_^

You don't see this too often folks, but I'm going to talk about my emotions. *pauses for gasps* Ahem... it kinda went through my mind recently that I miss having a girl to like. I'm sure some of you don't quite understand why I'm feeling this way. "Isn't it better not pining over someone you can't have?" True, I suppose. It's just that, I guess I kinda miss the feeling of being happy around someone I like in that way. It's a different and kinda nice feeling. Sure, it comes with some less than favorable feelings, especially when it's not going to work out, but all in all, I wouldn't mind going through that. Wow... I haven't really felt this way for a while. I've gotten a hecka lot more cynical about love. Heck, life in general. Things like this don't usually go through your head when you're as cynical about love as I am. Well... there is the pining over anime/manga/game girls, but that's always a given. ^_^

Anyways, that's all for now. I'm off to flip through my Vampire Savior mangas again to find cute pictures of Lilith now. XD

Replies: 1 Comment

Feelings are over rated =b
very much like sex...
the only thing that's not over rated is food XD
anyway, it's better not to be missing a girl to miss or liking some1 u can't have.. unless some is starting to grow a crush for some1? hmmmmmm?

Posted by Cinti @ 09/29/2002 03:54 PM PST

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