Saturday, November 23, 2002

I just came back from probably one of the best times I've had in a while.

I went out with a few friends to watch the new 007 movie. So yah, I got there and we were all like, "lets go buy tickets!" They sold out. So instead, we went around the mall for a while before we decided to go eat. It was decided that we would go to Outback Steak House.

While we were eating, we had such a fun time. Highlights:

I know I claim to be a agnostic, but now I've finally found my true calling. Instead of buying into this "organized religion" stuff, I've created my own religion! I call it "meatianity." If you might not be able to tell, meatianity is a religion devoted to meat. And I am the arch bishop. XD Yep, so you want some info on this amazing new religion? Well... here I am to give it to you. ^_^

1) Unlike some other religions, we only have two commandments: 1. Thou shall eat meat and 2. Thou shall not not eat meat. XD
2)When followers die, they will be sent to the big BBQ in the sky. There they shall be able to enjoy meat for the rest of eternity, free from anything that might possibly get in the way during life (such as health problems). XD

Eh... that's about as far as I've gotten. I might expand upon it more, but I really don't see a need. That's all your really need for this religion. So how can you join? Devote yourself to the eating of meat. Yes, eat meat and join us meatians! XD

After that funness, we went over to Vans Skatepark to watch the posers fall. That's so~ a great way to spend your time. XD Unfortunately, today there were little to no posers. I wanted a good laugh. ;_; Instead, I played some hockey of air (i.e. air hockey). I tell you, if my defense were better, I would rule at that game. I have such a knack for offense. I like scare people sometimes. ^_^;; But that doesn't do me a scrap of good if my opponent keeps on scoring. ;_; Yah, must get better....

Afterwards, we loitered. Loitering fun. Then I left.

Yah, even though I've condensed this and made it sound kinda nyeh, I really did have a good time. That's just what I needed after this week.

Oh, I don't feel obligated to social. It's just that I've wanted to for a few days, but I really wasn't in the mood. That's all.

I never exactly said that apathy, cynicism, and realism are connected, I just said that I am all three. Although, I can't really say that I'm really entirely all three at the same time, I said that because I believe that I am a little of each.

Cynicism: I'm extremely distrustful of human nature and motives. I suppose by dictionary definition, that would make me pessimistic.

Apathy: I'm probably most apathetic. I have an amazing lack of emotion at times. Not all times, but quite often.

Realistic: I don't like to view the world with romantic subjectivity. I also like to mock romantic ideals on the side.

I'm sure you can see that I'm more or less a little of each. I may not be any one of entirely, but I exhibit tendencies of all three.

Oh, and don't worry, I don't hate people quite so easily. ^_^

Yes, you will be getting an e-mail from me. *glares*

Posted by Tsubasa @ 09:54 PM PST [Link]

Friday, November 22, 2002

Eh... haven't been posting for a while, have I? ^_^;

With all the stuff happening to me, I'm sure you folks can understand why I haven't exactly been up to posting for a few days. Although it's not really bothering me much anymore, I guess it still kinda took a bit out of me.

What I've really noticed recently is my uncaring attitude. I mentioned this last post, but I think I've become a lot more apathetic lately. Lately being probably the last few months. Along with this apathy, comes realism and cynicism. For the better or for the worse, I have little semblance of a romantic left in me.

Calc has been on my mind too. Honestly, my teacher sucks like no other. She's horrible at explaining, makes test and quizes extremely difficult, and has a harsh grading scale. How worse could it possibly get? ;_;

*Thinks* Man, my posts have been really somber-sounding lately haven't they? Lets try to lighten the mood, shall we?

I picked up the Samurai Spirits manga Viz released a while ago a few days ago. I just popped by the comics store to buy a new card holder for my Ruri and Sakura cards and I happened to notice it. With Nako in it, how could I pass? ^_^ Well... having read through it, the story's not exactly a work of art... and the art itself isn't exactly the most handsome stuff I've seen... and Nako is a lot more aggressive than her usual subdued self.... Honestly, I can't say that it's good, but I suppose it's decent. I bought it for Nako, but even she couldn't save this mediocre manga. And that's saying a lot.

I've also recently started playing Samurai Spirits 2 again. I haven't played it in such a long time.... I suck now. -_- Since I generally don't see competition for SCII at MGL whenever I pop by, these days I hover over to the MVS and play some SS2. It'll be a while before I can get up to snuff, but I'll get there eventually. Nako and I will be invincible! *determination*

Eh... not much is happening and I'm still not feeling up to socialing, so I'll end this entry here.

Posted by Tsubasa @ 09:15 PM PST [Link]

Tuesday, November 19, 2002

My dad moved the computer. Yes, he decided to remove the computer from the nice, happy, cozy, tucked away computer room and move it into the bigger, colder, slightly less personal living room. He says that I shouldn't be hiding in the computer room away from all the other happenings in the house. I hate that. I loved my computer room. It had everything I wanted and I was all nice and happy in there. It was my refuge from the rest of the world. It was a room where nothing bad could happen. I had my computer and a TV which I didn't use often, but it came in handy when I wanted to watch DVDs and play some video games. Now the computer is in the living room, so I'm forced to spend my time there instead. And, for good measure or something, he moved the TV out of the computer room. I don't see why.... Without the computer in there, I wouldn't spend time there anyway.... Well, this really sucks. My happy place in this world has now just be completely taken away from me. There's nothing left in the room aside from a bunch of CDs and DVDs I can't even use in the room, some computer hardware, a TV tray, and some misc stuff. All things considered, it's not all that bad because I still get plenty of privacy in the living room (my dad's in the family room and my mom... well... she just doesn't go through the living room often), but it's just not the same. Now I don't have my nice little haven anymore. I want it back darnit! ;_;

As for other happenings, I've begun going to tutoring to help me pull up my grade in calc. I gotta do well from now on. I must do well, I must do well.... It's actually rather helpful. I'm glad I took the initiative. I just pop by everyday for about an hour or so before my first class. I usually get to school early anyway, so why not?

I've just been reflecting upon what's happened to me in this last week; it sucks. I'm sure most anyone can see that. I'm not exactly taking these things really well, but I'm amazed at how calmly I'm actually taking everything. I know that had all this stuff happened to me maybe a year ago, I would have probably broken down and gotten extremely depressed. I guess it's because I've been growing progressingly less emotional. Yah, I've noticed this for a while now. I used to consider myself really emotional, but now I'm not quite so sure. I can be so cold and emotionless in regards to some things I amaze myself. Bah... this is what emotional scars and anti-social tendencies will do to you I guess. I wonder if I'll ever be emotional again. Not that I particuarily want to be, but it wouldn't be bad. Whatever's fine with me.

Posted by Tsubasa @ 10:31 PM PST [Link]

Monday, November 18, 2002

Alright, I'm a lot calmer now. I seem to be able to sleep everything off. I don't know how I did it, but I did. I suppose it's because of my rational mind. I rule at rationalizing. Considering how my dad gave me a week's notice, I have plenty of time to calculate and prepare. I tell you, I think I have the most calculating mind of anyone I know. I'm considering every possibility and making full-proof plans. In the case that I cannot formulate a full-proof plan, I'm planning contingency upon contingency. Lets just put it this way: I'm one person you wouldn't want to plan your murder. But anyway, I've been asking around and now I got a total of five friends' houses to hide my stuff. I don't think I'll use all of them, but hey, thanks guys. It means a lot to me that you're all helping me. Now all I have to do is burn all my stuff onto CDs and make several copies, so that I can hide them and let my friends hold onto backup copies. Yes, I'm not leaving any stone unturned. If he thinks he has the better of me, he's completely wrong.

Why, thanks everyone for the encouraging comments. They really mean a lot to me. It's great to know that there are people who care for me. But one thing I must address: I cannot talk to my dad. He's the type of parent who will not listen to a thing I have to say. Sure, he says that he wants to hear my thoughts, but if I were to reason with him, I'm sure he wouldn't follow my train of thought. His logic doesn't seem to be cogent because he has a predjudice against anime already. It'd be pointless to try to say anything. That's why I'm just going to pretend that I'm obeying. I'll pretend to be the good child for about two years and then I'm getting out of this house. I was never really sure what I'd do after two years, but now I'm at the very least certain that I'm moving out. Even if it's a dorm or something, I'm moving out. Until then though, I'll just try to manage somehow.

Eh... you don't know just how much I want to social right now, but I'm definately not in the mood. Just one thing though:
Call me any night. I'm always around at night. I look forward to chatting with you. ^_^

Posted by Tsubasa @ 08:58 PM PST [Link]

Sunday, November 17, 2002

I'm over the whole tourney thing. I suppose I just had to sleep it off. Unfortunately, I was just presented with an even bigger dilemma.

My dad just gave me a lecture again. This one consisted of the usual basically saying that he thinks I never think, how I lack necessary survival skills, how I should go out and play some sports, and how I should give up anime. Now usually he just sees fit to berate me about these "shortcomings" (several of which I'm sure he doesn't realize I do not possess), he decided to get decisive today. That last point there, giving up anime, he decided to issue me an ultimatum: give up anime or the internet. Yes, he's actually making me decide! He's giving me a week before he asks me again. If I choose anime, he won't try to limit my anime watching anymore, but he will disconnect my internet. If I choose the internet, I'll have to give up at the very least, all the anime files on the computer. You don't know how hard I'm trying right now to keep back the tears. You don't know how much I want to cry. But I can't. If he happens to pop into this room, I can't let him see me crying. I can't let him know that this deeply hurts me in ways he can't understand. On one hand, anime is my passion in life. Ever since I've become a fanboy one fateful day eight years ago, anime has always been there for me. Through the bad times it cheered me up. Through the good times it augmented the enjoyment. Iíve learned countless life lessons from countless series. And most importantly, I simply enjoyed just watching it. I am who I am today because of my innumerable hours logged just watching anime. And I happen to like who Iíve turned out to be. On the other hand, I basically live on the internet. I am always connected and always doing something online. Without it, my life would be hour upon hour of nothing to do. Yes, it is a tough decision. One that I never, ever want to be forced to make. Unfortunately, Iím gonna have to this week. Ack! I'm in such emotional turmoil. I've thought it out and I think I'll tell him I'll give up anime. Of course I'm not really giving it up, I'm merely saying that. I'll just archive my files to CDs and hide them or something and hide all my bookmarks somewhere. I suppose I could do that and just never let him see anything anime-related on the monitor ever again and things won't be so bad, but it still hurts. I love anime so much and I can't seem to express it openly? I'll have to resort to closet anime fandom or nothing at all? It hurts. A lot. I want to cry, but I can't do it openly. I think I'll go to sleep early tonight and just cry myself to sleep. I know I generally don't ask for comments, but please do so today. I need some kind of encouragement cause it looks like I'm entering the harshest times yet in my life.

Posted by Tsubasa @ 08:33 PM PST [Link]

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